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June 2021

Another BND DSGN has come and gone… As I reflect on all of the beautiful speakers, workshops gatherings, dinner conversations and parties…not to mention the 6 months of preparation and building..it’s awe inspiring how we all come together to make things better, to learn from each other and to discover who we are. There is a shadow side to the intensity and build of this amazing moment in time; self doubt, over analyzing interactions, feelings of inadequacy, over exposure or imposter syndrome. This is the yin and yang of accelerated growth and discovery. As some dear friends mentioned over dinner “it’s a

Not everyone has earth shattering success. I am one of those people…my growth has been steady and quiet…I’ve spent my life learning, mostly invisible to the outside world. I’ve made EVERY mistake in the book…tumbled though the business world before mentors and life coaches were a thing…it’s taken me a lot longer, the obstacles ferocious but not as ferocious as the passionate drive in my mind and heart, the compass I return to again and again. My drive has tempered into a deep love of freedom and authenticity. I’ve reordered my priorities and watched my adversaries grow and change their paths

After a decade in motion and graphic design no mentor surfaced for me, I didn’t fit into cliques and battled sexism, and misogyny. My first intern attempt right out of design school was for a company called The Orphanage. One of my professors from CCA knew the Creative Director and helped set up the interview. I was so nervous, broke and excited. I was called back for a second interview, the internship was for roto work, work I could have done with my eyes closed…after 4 men completed a intensive round of questioning/interviewing, they offered me the position of the secretary,

You may have noticed that I have been posting a lot of personal stories lately…why??? Last year I made it a practice to say yes to everything that terrified me. I learned a lot about my self definition, self imposed limitations and self image. The process of becoming a better artist/designer involves self work and self discovery. This is the year of being BRAVE, TRANSPARENT, TAKING STOCK and BEING VISIBLE. We are all extensions of each other…and if I keep hiding I rob myself of your connection, your thoughts, your insight and I rob the world of our shared value. SO here it

Deadline based work, deadline driven projects…“Take a break, take a breath and try again”…I tell myself. Discouraged, tired, low level burnout. Hello old friend. All of those all nighters, pushed by Creative Directors, Art Directors, Professors, Producers, Clients… have taken a toll over the past decade…striving to be “good enough” and missing the mark. Standards, perfection, the industry…and I am back to where I was last May… What is the purpose of all of this made up structure that I’ve placed myself into? Does this fit? Has this always been a shirt that was too small, hoping someday I’ll pull it out

I have always known who I was…this made growing up painful. My goal since I can remember has been to be true to myself…and honestly, I don’t know how to be any other way. This has created a life of standing apart, being unpopular, enemies and lots of advice to fit into a societal box, make money and get on with life… What I have found is that I can’t fit into a group or ideology that doesn’t ring true to me…. I’m not an opportunist person, I’m not an extroverted person, I’m not a combative person… Four years ago I decided to play

I have asked myself why I have felt compelled to put my thoughts/feelings out into the world after years of hiding? Ego? Attention? Sharing? Community? The question comes back, why have I been hiding? Unworthiness, fear, gaslighting from the tech/mgfx industry, threats, gossip, being a target, and pain are a few words that immediately come to mind. But hiding isn’t going to make any of this go away because I’ve internalized these experiences into my identity, choices and pursuits. It’s time to change my story. For the last three years I’ve said yes to everything that terrifies me. Interviews, public speaking, speaking

I used to dance with this sword…there is still blue paint on the hilt from the last time I performed on a stage in San Francisco. It’s balanced in the middle to sit perfectly on my head. Correct alignment. strong spine, energy extending from the top of my head through the bottom of my feet, a perfect line. DANCE IS ALL ABOUT THE LINE, THE EXTENDED GESTURE MADE IN SPACE THAT CONTINUES TO ECHO INTO THE NEXT MOVEMENT. THIS SWORD NOW SITS IN THE CORNER OF MY OFFICE TO REMIND ME OF WHERE I’VE COME FROM, WHAT INITIALLY SPARKED MY PASSION

I was on a panel called “Art Asks, Design Answers” for Bend Design with the lovely and amazing Bill Hoppe, Kiel Fletcher and Troy Gua There was a woman during the Q/A that asked me about the path of being an artist and making money…I can’t stop thinking about her question…I don’t know her name…but I feel like I didn’t answer her question effectively…in the hope that she follows me…I wanted to offer some context, history and advice that I hope will help better answer her question. I come from a loving, strict, practical upbringing where I was taught to be polite, kind, honest and was encouraged to become

Almost four years ago I left my community, my job and Denver, Co where I had lived for 9 years to return to where I grew up in Bend, Or, in an attempt to create my long standing dream. Creative community, living and breathing the artist life while making a living, simplicity, eating from the garden, nature and deep into the night inspiration and stars. I know my dream is possible, but I underestimated the conflict, the fear I would face in myself and others. Letting go of identity and rebuilding from the ground up, a process I seem to undergo every 4–5